I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
