some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
