I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
