I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
