I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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