He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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