Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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