my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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