I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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