I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
