Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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