Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
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