Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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