you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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