How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
