drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
