so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
