Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
