ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
