Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
