that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
