can u get pink eye on your cock?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
