haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
