Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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