they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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