If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
