does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
