I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
What a fucking waste of an outfit
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I did not marry a roomba.
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