I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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