I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
