This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
