The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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