woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
