I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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