I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
