Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
