i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
