Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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