Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
