I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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