and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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