I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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