But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
