why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
