Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
