last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
