I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
