I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
no you cant smoke seaweed
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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