its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
