Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
