Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
