I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize