I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
