I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I want her autograph on my taint
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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