i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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