I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
