Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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